healing

This past year has brought many challenges to me as a single mother.  I never envisioned myself in this position, and I didn't ask for it, yet I've embraced it and accepted it.  Most days have been joyous and happy and liberating.  Some days have been frightening and lonely.  A few days have been so painful that I felt as though I couldn't take another day.  But all of my days as in independent mother have been filled with opportunities to grow and change and recover from a 25 year marriage and a parenting partnership that was not healthy.

In my particular case, it's been a slow yet steady process of reaching out to others in helping me to identify the significant aspects of a painful marriage, such as alcoholism and verbal abuse, and how these two nemesis wreaked havoc on my self worth and my children's development.  Finding 'safe places' within a community where there's no place to hide, or not being able to trust mutual friends or family members to provide unconditional positive regard, have been obstacles to the much needed renewal of my injured soul.

Yet the one thing that I have done, and that has evolved over time, has been to tell my historical story that led up to becoming an independent mother.  Telling that story to someone who really listens as many times as you need, helps the 'going forth' process and also has allowed for redefining of my own self worth.

We must be, at bottom, fundamentally healthy or we would not have stayed alive this long.  Like all living creatures, we can heal from our injuries and our suffering.  If we have a healthy environment, healthy behaviors, healthy relationships, we will recover.  We need to identify our histories of trauma, abuse, neglect, grief and loss.  We need to overcome denial on all of our addictive behaviors.  We need to provide ourselves with good health care.  We need a safe place where we can be who we are, and be welcome.  We need quiet, respectful attention as we tell our stories in as much detail and as many times as we need to.

If we get these things we will not just stay alive, be we will have good lives.  Lives that are free of the curses of mental and physical illnesses.  Lives that are productive and creative, lives that are filled with friendship and love.      :: David L. Conroy, PhD.