we made it

This is where we have always spent Thanksgiving weekend.  Not this year.  Finances wouldn't allow.

The best thing I did prior to the holiday season was to sit down with the kids and talk about the differences and similarities they would see this holiday season with just them and me in the house. No annual trip to the coast.  Gifts from mom might not be as extravagant as in the past. All of the family traditions will be alive and well such as the food, the decorations, the spiritual rituals, the baking. Love and friendship will be abundant. Emotions might get the best of us. And I asked them to tell me all of their thoughts and wishes. They astounded me with their resiliency, wisdom, and understanding.

I've been honest with them this past year about the effects of grief and loss we all will experience .. and now during the holidays .. the loss of family as they've always known, the loss of innocence and having to face that life will never be the same as it was, yet that it's up to us to make our new life work for us so that we are happy, more peaceful, and optimistic about our futures. The journey takes time, and we will be in a better place eventually.

Oftentimes the effects of grief and loss just sneak up and blind side you. Like when I was doing the annual Thanksgiving Day shopping this week. When they saw my red and blotchy face from crying all the way through the stores while shopping, I said, "Lots of memories came flooding into my mind when I was shopping and I just miss how it used to be. I'm going to allow the sadness to pass as I put away the groceries, and then I'd like to watch a funny TV show with you." I've made a conscience decision to tell my kids what exactly I'm going through at the moment and how I plan on dealing with it. I'm hopeful that if I model, they will follow.

Surprisingly, Thanksgiving went well.  We spent it with another independent mom with teenagers, had the usually slew of friends coming and going, and ventured out on Black Friday.  We made it.