marriage

I've been following a divorce blog lately, and these comments say something to me regarding my struggles with the traditional marriage and partnership and child rearing. 

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"Frankly, I think that while money becomes

one of the big issues couples fight over (which leads to divorce), I also think too many now have been "condition­ed" to think being single is amazing and being married is terrible."

"You look on TV ... cheat­ing shown in reality shows and in fictional shows. You see shows with single folk in them living it up with some drama, but thus showing people how wonderful it is to be single, childless, etc."

"There have been a lot of great comments here today, and it's hard not to keep fanning everyone. Your comment about the TV aspect is dead on - I agree completely with your assessment about this idea of continuing to live as a single even though they're married. It is ALL about Instant Entitlement, Bling, and "me, me, me!" The key as you say, is to operate as a team - it doesn't mean that either partner has to lose their identity in the marriage relationship, it just means that they have each other's back, and that they're working on goals that they both believe in."

"I'm not saying TV is the only reason, but I notice among peers how many can't seem to let go of the past life when they marry. It could be the guy who still wants to think he's "got it" by going out to pick up random women, or women who go out with the girls and enjoy men hitting on them. It could be the couples who still buy things they shouldn't. I'm speaking of luxury items they can't afford or even impulse shopping that causes more household debt.  We've seen plenty of poor families in the past do well in marriage because they acted like a team and held their own personal values strong. Nowadays it seems more like a bunch of individual­s with a "me me me me me" ideology, and thus everyone is out for themselves­."

“I think it is obvious that women who have financial means of their own are either finding that they needn't marry at all (a choice made by many of the ladies in my family) or; they come into the marriage financiall­y independen­t and never surrender that status to the marriage. It is another advantage enjoyed by the privileged­, It takes pressure off our husbands to "produce" and anyone who thinks the current vicissitud­es - the deteriorat­ing economy - doesn't effect the health of many marriages is living a sheltered life. Does love alone sustain couples? Yes, our marriage was very happy, but by having financial security we avoided a lot of conflict.”

“Education is only one part of the study, the study also says the affluent, meaning these people that are experienci­ng marital bliss not only have an education, but they are also wealthy enough to eliminate the problem of arguing over bills such as mortgages, school expenses for children, education for children, etc., they probably have disposable income also that will allow them to enjoy their free time outside the home or engaging in costly pass times.  Less time for argument, less problems to cause argument and usually the marriage will have an opportunit­y to grow ... mon­ey is the common denominato­r in marriages, those who have it have a better chance, those who don't have to struggle more, be stronger and more devoted to the relationsh­ip.  There is an old saying that goes something like this "I can do bad by myself." Nobody wants to be in a marriage where they feel their financial situation is worse than it would be if they were single.”

“It's my opinion that childhood wounds play a role in marriages.  The only possible success is if both partners become conscious of those wounds were and how each has been playing out or recreating them in the marriage. In an ideal world, we'd all examine our childhood for festering wounds and get them treated BEFORE unwittingl­y imposing/p­rojecting them onto our marriage partners. Unfortunat­ely, by the time one member realizes this, it's often too late because he/she's already withdrawn the relational investment from the bank. It's so sad to then see the partner who's being left grovel for another chance.”